my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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