Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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