Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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