i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
