Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
