I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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