I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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