i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
