i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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