i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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