Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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