She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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