I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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