I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
