girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
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