Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
