And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
