dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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