you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
