Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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