the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
