my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
