On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
