i can't believe i had my finger in that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
How's work?
Spinning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
