I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
