so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
