I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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