you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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