My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So many bounce houses so little time
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
