Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
