One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
