She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
