I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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