Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
