She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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