Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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