i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
