Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
