they need to just BURY HIM!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
