looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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