All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
