That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Blood and glitter go together right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
