At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
