u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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