then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
