I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
