Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
