i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
