Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
