Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
