The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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