My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
