would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
