YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
