im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had to cum in my sink.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
